Ok, so I LIED!

Bypass Update #2

Ok, so I lied.  People having a gastric bypass can have caffeine.  They can have the equivalent of one small cup of coffee.  How many people do you know can have only one small cup of coffee?  It's like limiting an alcohol dependent person to only one shot at their favorite bar.  My thinking - a small amount of caffeine is NO caffeine.   

The second nutritional appointment has been completed.  The second nutritional appointment was fruitful (I love a good healthy food reference).  I weighed in on the cattle scale and found that I lost 6 pounds (YEAH ME!).  I also learned that I cannot gain these 6 pounds back.  This knowledge will have a major impact on me later.  In fact, it was a catastrophic emotional consequence that I will share later. Kathy, my nutritionist, was very impressed that with my busy schedule I was able to maintain focus and believes that I will not require additional nutritional counseling after my next appointment which is in less than a week (can you see where the emotional consequences might be coming from yet?)  Did I mention that if I lose another 19 pounds I won't qualify for surgery anymore?  First time for everything....

Christmas and New Year's Oh My!  I made a commitment to going sugar free on December 26th and I did. Even with the sabotaging gifts I received for Christmas (thanks mom and Stever's turkey joints).  Confession - I remained sugar free until Lilly's baptism where I shared some cake.  It was so good too.  I am sugar free again - as of this morning..... it had nothing to do with the chocolate chip cookie, but I won't swear to it.

Catastrophic Emotional Breakdown ensues.....In preparing for my next nutritional appointment I stepped on the scale - not the cattle kind, the normal kind I hide under my bed.  I was ecstatic to see I lost another 3 pounds.  What was there not to be happy about?  I lost 3 pounds, I am still in the window, and Kathy is going to recommend me for surgery.  I picked up the kids, had dinner, bathed kids, put kids to bed, watched some Netflix, went to sleep.  Here it comes... wait for it... I wake up, get on the scale and I have gained ten pounds.  Within 24 hours I am having a major melt down of epic proportions. I couldn't wrap my head around it.  I lost it emotionally.  I felt at my lowest.  I feel like I wear my sin on the outside of my body and that sin is my weight.  I have never felt so low in my life.  I failed. A life of humiliation and physical pain flashed in front of my eyes and it is not the life I want and will no longer live.  WHO THE HELL GAINS TEN POUNS OVERNIGHT?  This is what my nightmares are made of. I waited two days, but I called Kathy.  Kathy informed me it was water weight and not actual weight gain.  She is worried as it could signify a larger issues.  Really?  Isn't that what I have been saying all along? Nonetheless I will be meeting with Kathy next week where we will come up with a plan to address the issue.  The water weight? I had sushi for dinner with soy sauce.  I am charging the soy sauce with criminal intent.  One would think I drank the bottle of soy....which I did not.  I am no longer going to eat soy sauce as it is the new enemy.

I want this surgery.  I need this surgery.  I will live because of this surgery.  Any fears (or doubts) I may have had about having this surgery are gone.  I am committed to this life change.

Motion FREEDOM Evolution