Saturday, December 3, 2011

Fat to Thin: My Confession

When I began this blog almost a year ago it was important to me to express my values to my friends, my readers.  Honesty has always been at the top of my core values.  It is no secret that before I was pregnant with Lilly I lost 110 pounds - 90 of it in 9 months alone with the help of Shannon Pascale and the Jenny Craig System.  After I delivered Lilly I returned to Jenny and Shannon and the rest you know as I have shared every happy pound lost and every god awful pound regained. 

I posed a question a few months ago about whether I had given up on myself or not.  I bucked up and got back on the weight loss train.  I have lost a little, but not enough to maintain motivation and perseverance.  So, I have taken the last few months to think about what it is I want for myself.  And I came to the following conclusion:

I am who I am and who I am is tired of being judged. Who I am is tired of being looked at as the one with the pretty face - this face is getting old. I am the one who wants to run without a herd of elephants on her ass. I am the one who wants to be struggle free putting on socks.  I am the one who wants to be the Banana Republic and J. Crew chick and not the Lane Bryant lady.  I am the one who wants to run around all day with her kids without getting tired.  I am the one who wants to live.  I am the one who wants to live.  I AM THE ONE WHO WANTS TO LIVE.

I have the power to make a choice and the resilience to live with my choices.  So, in the spirit of honesty I will share with you that I am in the pre-operative phase of getting a gastric bypass.  I was going to share this with you all after I had surgery, but then decided it was really shitty and dishonest of me to withhold this choice from you.  Plus, there are a lot of funny things one encounters while on the road to surgery....and, I can't wait to share all of it with you.