tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82258346964816736942024-02-07T05:28:03.104-08:00Melt Away Mommotion FREEDOM evolutionAbby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-18572513804850275312020-08-26T16:12:00.002-07:002020-08-26T16:12:51.019-07:00Confession Time <p>I have a confession...... I got sidetracked and stopped paying attention to me. The consequence..... I gained weight. Not a little bit. <span style="font-size: x-large;">A LOT!</span> I can no longer hide. I am holding myself accountable. </p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #134f5c;">I guess I should provide an update since 6 years has gone by since my last post .......</span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">1. Brent and I are a consciously-uncoupled which is a fancy way of saying we are better friends and parents than spouses to one another. </span> </p><p><span style="color: #45818e;">2. My son Noah is now 13 and entering the 8th grade and my daughter Lilly is 10 and entering the 3rd grade.</span></p><p><span style="color: #e69138;">3. I have returned to small town living and have a beautiful overly tattooed man named Jake in my life.</span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f;">4. I continue to work for the same school district supporting schools, students, and families with their special needs.</span></p><p><span style="color: #cc0000;">5. And as I stated earlier I have gained weight. </span></p><p>Important to note.... Woven around and between numbers 1 and 4 that led to #5 are the not so pretty things that almost broke me. Toxicity oozed into my wounds and slowly tried to suffocate me. In future posts I will use my humor ('cuz I'm hysterical) to unpack the reasons behind my weight gain. For example, I will share my experiences with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and the toll it takes on your mental, emotional, and physical health as well as the health of the people who love you. I will also share how <span style="color: #e06666; font-size: medium;">LOVE</span> makes me food drunk!</p><p>Here it goes...... I have gained <span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;">50</span> pounds. No more head in the sand. I had<strike><span style="font-size: x-large;"> <span style="color: #cc0000;">NO IDEA</span> </span></strike>I gained this much weight until I walked back into <u>Jenny Craig </u>and stepped on the scale. I almost shit myself! </p><p><br /></p><p><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Day 1 done. </span></b></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f;"> </span></p>Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-80801078760104600172014-08-14T16:52:00.000-07:002014-08-14T16:52:49.746-07:00Unique Needs Even the toughest of people can be broken down emotionally and psychologically. I have seen it happen and have experienced it myself. It is a funny thing - what we as people tie to our emotional selves - the yin that drives our yang. We are all tied somehow and by something - it escapes none of us. Some people are tied to perfection - if they make a mistake then they are the mistake. Some are connected by their need to control everything - my way or the highway. Yet others are tied to their perceptions of how others perceive them. In a way - I have been all three of these - even now I believe I move in and out of them. I lived for a very long time thinking of the world in very black & white terms wherein there was no grey. Grey is a wonderful color however. <br />
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While, in the past, I have held the belief that if I make a mistake then I am the mistake... and have had a need to control things around me.... and let what I believe others think of me affect me - my deepest and most bonded emotional and psychological ties are rooted deep within my own self perception and how I see myself physically. The view of how I see myself physically has a dramatic effect on my emotions which trickle to every part of my life. Nothing goes unaffected. My moods are negative, my anxiety heightens, I become withdrawn, my patience shortens for everything and everyone around me. I am a real joy to say the least. <br />
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They say hindsight is 20/20 and looking back on how I viewed myself when I was grossly overweight I believe I saw myself thinner (way thinner) than I actually was. My mother would often times point this out but it fell on deaf ears. I wonder if this, for me, was a coping mechanism as I now understand my mother to have been correct. <span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>(I must note at this point that while many of you might think my mother reads this blog and is proud of me - she does indeed NOT read it, so I can say she was right without having to hear how she told me so.)</em></span> I say a coping mechanism because I think if I was, at the time, to have truly been able to view my actual physical size for what it was - I don't know how I could have handled that. I don't know what the consequences would have been, but at the time I do not believe they would have been inspirational. <br />
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I have spent a great amount of time reflecting this summer on how I am tied to my self-image. The weight I put on over the winter had a dramatic effect on my moods which impacted every part of my life. Even though it wasn't a great deal of weight it was enough to make my face bloated, my clothes not fit, and my heart to ache as I felt all 340 pounds come crashing back onto my shoulders. Yes, carrying around that extra weight made me feel 340 pounds again. It took me back to that time when I felt out of control and not in control of anything. It made me feel like I had made a mistake and didn't know how to fix it so I was becoming the mistake, and as people told me I was nuts that I had not gained any weight I couldn't help but utter under my breath, "Liar! And you're loving it!"<br />
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As women our bodies are all different and not only do we require different nutritional components based on our body types but we also have unique physical, emotional, and psychological needs. Our physiology dictates it. I swear. It's fact. If there are two things I have learned reflecting back on this past winter it's this:<br />
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1. Know your body inside and out - what are your unique needs- and if you don't know make it a point to figure it out.<br />
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2. Make yourself a priority. Feed those unique needs. Not doing so has consequences. <br />
<br />Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-10578836209899786902014-08-07T15:06:00.001-07:002014-08-07T15:06:30.087-07:00I Drank the Kool-Aid
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Weight loss does not
come in a miracle pill nor does it come with Oprah's head on Ellen's body.
"Garcinia" advertisements are clogging the web and are the #1 suggested
Facebook post that is recommended for me to view. So, I viewed a few and the advertisements
are delusional. One <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ad</i> literally
removed Oprah's head and put it on Ellen's body - and no, they did not Photoshop
Ellen's hands. With that said - when the Groupon came out for $9.99 I bought my
two bottles. Even the smartest of us are susceptible to a downfall now and
then.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Needless to say, it was
a wasted $9.99. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Why would I feel I need
weight loss pills?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I fell down –
or should I say UP.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Way up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we all know losing weight and being
healthy is tough business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maintaining
that weight loss and remaining in a healthy balance is even tougher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The slightest change of a single variable can
throw off our balance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">My balance was thrown
off by the tough winter as well as working a job that demanded I sit for hours
at a time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By hours I mean HHHOOOUUURRRSSS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sitting
so long literally makes your ass grow outward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It fattens, flattens, and spreads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Running at night did nothing to combat the negative (or in this case +) effects
that those long hours in that chair had. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time spring peaked its head through
winter I looked like a leftover snowman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everything about me was puffy and it took me back to that place where
all I felt was 340 pounds….340 pounds just weighing me down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">After my week long
stint with the "Garcinia" (yes, that is all it lasted) I took to the
basics and began writing down the foods I was eating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept running and tried to take “micro-breaks”
and move between meetings at work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
the results?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept getting
rounder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I became really miserable on top of being
round.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a good combination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So now
the hives are coming out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For anyone who
has kept up with my blog you will know that my coping mechanism for dealing
with stress has been breaking out in hives instead of breaking into the can of
chocolate frosting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Being in tune with our
bodies is a must.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We need to know how
they work and how to keep them working properly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I have the type of body that to
maintain my weight and health (physical and emotional) I have to keep moving –
all the time – no time for stopping for lengthy periods of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some might be asking “Abby, why didn’t you
ask for help at work?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did but when it
finally arrived it was too late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
damage was done and the help I really needed wasn’t going to come from support
at work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Help came in the form
of a misdial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I “accidently” called this
man I had met over the winter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meeting
him in the first place was quite accidental in itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I met Team Fit founder Marcus through my realtor
at the “Y” on a Saturday morning and within twenty minutes I knew this man was
going to change my life forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I worked
out with him for twenty minutes, took his number, he Facebooked me, we chatted
a little, he invited me to a buffet…...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(Shannon Marie, if you are reading this it should remind you of my first
stint at Jenny Craig…..wanting to do it but not quite ready to commit). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">So, back to the misdial
– As soon as I realized I was calling Marcus I hung the phone up as fast as I
could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was like “Oh shit, he is so
going to see that!” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure enough Marcus
called me the next day and (Shannon Marie – I swear it was the same exchange we
had when I returned to JC) he asked, “You ready?” and replied, “I am.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">On June 30<sup>th</sup>
I began the next voyage on this very long journey of getting and remaining
healthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Marcus is a trainer that believes
in caring for the body and the soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
sees people very differently from the traditional trainer; or at least those I
have worked with in the past and have quietly watched work with others over the
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been working with Marcus
and his extraordinary team for just over a month now and the roundness has
disappeared but more importantly than the outside, I feel better inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t feel all of the 340 pounds weighing
down on me anymore. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I walked into
Jenny Craig in 2008 I made a commitment to change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is 2014 and that commitment has not wavered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">For a long time I could
not find the words to share with you all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had no idea who I was without the weight and needed to figure that
out- I had sworn that I would be the same person without it that I was with it –
but no, that is not the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People see me differently and
I see myself differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not know
where my journey was going, but now I do and have once again found the words –
over 900 of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have all followed
me this long on my journey and I invite you to continue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I promise I won’t disappear nor
disappoint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-81095324729663216182013-06-18T07:29:00.002-07:002013-06-18T07:54:03.001-07:00Fat Side of Thin<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Is it weird that I keep taking pictures of myself? Well, I think so. I think it is very weird. I would never let anyone take a picture of me before unless it was from the shoulders up. That was it. I hated it when people would take candids of me and then post them for the world to see. I used to make people take the pictures down. But, they will forever exist thanks to Facebook and other social media sites who refuse to allow anything to disappear from people's consciousness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am secretly awaiting a major technological apocalypse to occur so that all of the horrible pictures posted of me over time can finally die. But here I am in real time knowing that a technological apocalypse is not in my future (I am psychic as well) taking pictures of myself on a daily basis. What am I looking for? I am continuing to have a hard time seeing myself as anything other than 340 pounds. I am consciously aware that I can no longer compete in a beauty pageant with a baby elephant but still do not see what others see. In fact, I am not entirely too sure what people see. So, I take pictures and study them to try and figure it out. And I am posting said pictures on Facebook of course - where they will never die. Why am I posting said pictures knowing that they will never die? I am hoping that seeing myself more will help me see "the me" that others see.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">This is a very relevant topic - taking pictures of oneself. I swear it is. I have shared over time with my readers that I was raised with the belief that no one would love me unless I was thin. It was a message told to me over and over and over again. So, now that I am on the fast side of thin what does this mean? How do I want to be viewed by others. As the girl who has never been considered the sexy one and has always wanted to be it comes down to one </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-family: Times;">acronym - MILF. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times;">I have a girlfriend who has also lost a tremendous amount of weight from gastric bypass. She is so freaking hot and confident now. I love it. I actually get a little jealous when I see her. She shared a story with me that her son told her that she was now a MILF. Did you slap him or hug him, I asked. While my Noah is five and not even close to understanding what a MILF is I think I would keel over if he ever called me a MILF. However, with that said - I think fireworks would also be going off inside of me. Don't get me wrong (especially in my line of work) - I am not looking to be found attractive by a bunch of boys - but to be found attractive by men (hell, even women) would be a compliment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times;">(When I used to go to the gay clubs with my love Matt I would get so upset because the lesbians didn't even want to hit on me. Seriously!) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times;">In all honesty, so many people speak to sexiness or attractiveness being more of an attitude than anything else. I am learning to work that attitude but it never hurts to hear someone tell you that you are looking beautiful or pretty or gorgeous - or any other positive and appealing word. Words do directly affect the way in which we each define our identity and therefore our attitude. Growing up I was told that I my ugliness was my fat. That message led me to believe that not only was I externally ugly but internally ugly as well. Words have a powerful impact on people and their self-esteem. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times;">So, I take pictures of myself. I look in mirrors. I don't know when this will stop but for now get used to me looking at my reflection. It's not vanity - I am just trying to get to know myself. </span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">motionFREEDOMevolution</span></div>
<br />Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-24014926121357477142013-02-03T15:49:00.002-08:002013-02-03T15:49:37.721-08:00Clit Freedom<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /><br />Throughout time women have endlessly tied their happiness to "WHEN." "I will be happy when I can fit into my favorite jeans again." "I will be happy when I can shop at J. Crew and actually fit in the clothes." "I will be happy when I lose ten pounds." "I will be happy when I am a size six." "I will be happy when my arms stop jiggling." "I will be happy when my thighs don't touch." <br /><br />Too often I hear women complain about their legs rubbing together. Admittedly, it sucks. There is rubbing and chaffing as well as burning. It can hurt like hell and is not pretty. But, that is just the inside of the thighs. No one mentions the other parts that are affected. It is not that it is an ugly story, but leg rubbers don't know how else they are being affected physically. <br /><br />Take a hot dog bun and place a jelly-belly jellybean on the inside. Let it just rest there. As you can see there is access to the bean. It has freedom and accessibility to touch. Now, pick up the hotdog bun and squeeze it shut. The bean is no longer free to move or breath or be touched. Okay dirty birds, now when I mention touch I am actually referring to the touch of fabric.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I run. I don't confess to love it, but I do enjoy it. Unfortunately, running without taking certain precautions is now a bit uncomfortable as my thighs no longer touch. I have found that wearing plain old cotton panties doesn't cut it anymore. They are too lose and ride up my crotch rubbing the bean in a most uncomfortable manner. Now, digging into my lady parts is what I would love to do, but I think my running partners might find this a bit unladylike and down right dirty. So, I have had to revert to the drawers that have the thin elastic bands in the buttock so that as I heat up during my run the panties adhere and don't move - they stay tight. Unfortunately, my butt gets really hot. <br /><br />So, there you have it. When your legs no longer rub together your clit has the freedom it deserves to breath.<br /></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="color: red;">motionFREEDOMevolution</span></span></div>
Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-87211019241242814412013-01-21T12:12:00.001-08:002013-01-21T12:19:21.488-08:00Am I fat?First off, are the people on the Biggest Loser becoming more pathetic or is it just me? "I can't stop throwing up." "I can't keep water down." Oh boo-freaking-hoo. I swear one guy is related to Honey-Boo-Boo. Okay, enough of the Biggest Loser. Well one last comment - I love when then men cry like babies week one.<br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Here are my current confessions: </span></strong></div>
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1. I love <span style="font-size: x-large;">Sunny</span> from Rochester on the Biggest Loser. I would love for her to read my blog and know that she is strong and can kick her weight in the ass! I am proud of her for putting herself out there and being an ambassador for children's obesity.<br />
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2. I am no longer being a whinny bitch (see previous blog entry).<br />
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3. I am eating protein like a champ! My goal is 65 - 100 grams a day.<br />
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4. I am running my ass off at the gym. I am improving by at least 5% every week and it takes a lot less energy to run at 185 than 340 or 275 or even 200.<br />
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5. I survived the colonoscopy but I am on lots of meds that make me poo because I am literally full of shit.<br />
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6. Did you know that the more you weigh the more gas your car guzzles? I am saving money at the pump.<br />
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7. My daughter and I can split a Happy Meal.......not that we do..... okay - I generally steal a nugget or the pickle off the cheeseburger and a couple of fries. It's a long cry from the old order: two double cheeseburger, three 4piece nuggets, and a large fry.....(I am vomiting).<br />
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8. I am down 90 pounds since April, 155 total and have moved from a woman's size 32 to a misses 12.<br />
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9. Writing this blog is becoming harder and harder for me. <br />
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10. Weighing under 200 pounds is not normal for me. Hell, even weighing 200 was not normal.<br />
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I was asked the other day how much I weigh and I responded by saying, "285 pounds." The person looked at me like I had ten heads as well as they should have. I have lived all of my adult life as an obese woman and now I am not. At least I don't think I am. What is freaking me out is that people are referring to me as skinny. I know, I know - who finds being called skinny an issue? We all know that I can define fat. I am an expert at it. I have lived it. But skinny? I don't know how to define it. I have not lived it, but am starting to now so I guess I better start adjusting to it. I know, oh poor me....this is what I have been working for. <br />
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I used to have the goal of being on People Magazine and you know what - It is my goal again. I am going to campaign for it. There is no reason why a person who has a gastric bypass cannot be on the cover educating others about the procedure and its benefits. It is not an easy or quick fix. It is an intervention. The hard work is in the mind, body, and spirit of the person. Over 300,000 Americans will die of obesity this year and I will not be one of those people.<br />
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<span style="color: red;">motionFREEDOMevolution</span></div>
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-68702381542120815682013-01-04T10:20:00.001-08:002013-01-04T10:20:55.541-08:00A Letter to YouDear Loyal Readers,<br />
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Where have I been for the last few months? Good lord, you would think after my last post I was locked up in the bedroom having too much fun. I wish that were the case. Truth is, I have a new leadership position at work and have been finishing yet another graduate program. Needless to say, I have been busy. <br />
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With my new title has come new stress. I am adjusting to a new team of colleagues, learning copious amounts of information, and running around the south side of the city on a daily basis.....have I mentioned the four times a week I need to fill up my tank now? The stress has taken a toll on my body, my mind, and my spirit.<br />
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Consequently, I have lost no weight at all and it is depressing. No, it's not depressing, it is MADDENING. It is so maddening that I am in my own head about it all the time. I thought I was obsessed before the weight loss - well now it is even worse. I feel like a complete bypass-failure. <br />
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I am not writing this looking for you to "fix" this or encourage me or ask me questions like, "Well are you......" or "Have you tried.....?" If I get any of that I might freaking explode. I am discouraged and in the spirit of honesty - I need to share it. Weight loss, as you know, is not all rainbows and butterflies. It is also disappointment. That is where I am at. I am disappointed that I have stopped progressing while others continue to lose effortlessly and have maintained positivity. (Seriously, easy to do when you are still losing.) Do not get me wrong. I am soooo happy for those that are continuing to lose. I am just frustrated for me. <br />
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My weight loss stopped cold in October - six months post surgery. I am supposed to lose consistently for one year. That is how it works - I do my part and the weight comes off. Only, it is not coming off while I continue to do my part. I keep trying to tell myself that this is just a plateau. A really, really, really long plateau.... but I don't believe it is anymore. Now, I think it is me destined to always be a big girl. Only now I am big girl who can only handle half a piece of bread, 2 ounces of turkey, and 4 ounces of soup for lunch. Seriously, when it comes to weight - I cannot freaking win.<br />
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Because I don't want this to be a completely depressing letter to you I will share with you that I started my journey in 2008 with a BMI of 55. My BMI at the time of my surgery in April 2012 was a 46 and now my BMI is a 30. My goal BMI is a 26 and I need to lose 23 more pounds to get there. I have joined a Step Up team at work in hopes to renew my enthusiasm and help continue to build these new relationships. <br />
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This is a journey for me. It has been a long journey with ups and downs, silliness and disappointment, hope and joy, are you kidding me and what the hells? I have been happy to share it with you all and thank you for taking the roller coaster with me. I promise, I am not going to off myself - I am too vain. I just need some retail therapy that I can't afford or maybe a great new pair of boots - that I still can't afford...or maybe a nice vacation - that is not going to happen anytime soon nor can I afford it. Hmmm...maybe it is true what they say - there is a direct connection between stress and weight loss....but still with half the calories of a two year old - I should still be losing.<br />
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Love,<br />
Abby <br />
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<br />Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-75181076898578913922012-09-19T06:31:00.000-07:002012-09-25T14:57:54.956-07:00The Weeping OrgasmI seriously cannot believe I am putting it out there like this, but here goes. The <b><span style="font-size: large;">Weeping Orgasm</span></b> does exist. I had heard of it in passing like a myth comparable to the Lochness Monster, Bigfoot, and the Chupacabra and had filed it away under "Urban Legends" and let it be. I never thought in a million years that the weeping orgasm was in fact an actual orgasm. It should come with a disclaimer <i>"Attention, the weeping orgasm should only be used in cases of dire cathartic need as your partner (man or woman) might experience cardiac arrest from fear of orgasmic disaster."</i> In all honesty, there is no control over the weeping orgasm - if it's going to happen, it will.. It erupts out of a place of deep isolation.<br />
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So, how exactly did I stumble upon the weeping orgasm you ask? For that, you will need your imaginations. Blame the lack of details on the <u>small town Italian Catholic up-bringing</u> that continues to set boundaries. I recently posted a picture of my son and I on on his first day of school. He looked so cute and I was so proud. I received more than several responses commenting on how I looked. I was overwhelmed not only by the responses but by the picture when I actually sat down and looked at it. I will admit, I stared at it on & off all day. I could not believe that was me and I now understood the comments. It got me thinking back to a comment my aunt made. She said, "There will come a day when people will have no idea you had a battle with weight." <br />
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Who am I if I am not the woman in a battle with her weight? What do I have to offer in my blog? Do I have a right to offer my story any longer or does my story eventually end? Dang - one picture really got me thinking. The story does not end. In writing about the bathroom habits of overweight women versus their thinner counterparts I received a number of comments both on and off-line. It made people think - it put the unspeakable out there and that is why my story continues. I will talk about the less comfortable subjects.<br />
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Back to the <span style="font-size: large;">SEX </span>then. I seriously think that the negative connotation surrounding gastric bypass would fly into extinction if it was branded as not so much a means to end in the battle of weight but as a means to creating a much better and more fulfilling sex life. Seriously, with the taboo gone our nation would include healthier and much happier adults - <span style="font-size: large;">MUCH HAPPIER!!!!</span> War would come to an end. Ashby Madison has a commercial on the radio that goes something like, "You got fat and I got trapped." I was offended by it, but from a strictly sexual standpoint I kind of understand it. Is it still a unhealthy, mean, and uncalled for commercial.... I tend to think so. <br />
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My point is <span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Skinny Sex</b></span> is a <span style="font-size: large;"><b>BILLION</b> </span>times better than fat sex. Argue if you like, but I have been to the other side and I am a believer. So, the weeping orgasm. <u>You know you want to know, it is like slowing down to watch a bad accident or the Elvis impersonator being arrested on the side of the NYS Thruway......again, another story altogether.......</u> Truth be told, being overweight and having sex was difficult. It seriously limited not only the freedom of movement, but also the ease at which pleasure was felt. Neither of these is an issue any longer.<br />
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So, yes - as I wept I did terrify Brent, however he survived and continues to benefit from my weight loss as do I. I am 35 years old and reaching my sexual prime and I thank god it was not wasted in my old body.<br />
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PS - Brent says to share with you all that HE IS THE MAN!!!!! wink, wink! <br />
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<br />Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-64520803351065199412012-08-17T06:40:00.001-07:002012-08-17T06:41:21.300-07:00Feeding the SoulWhile dropping my two beautiful but equally devilish children off at their respective places of play this morning I happened to hear a conversation on the radio about love. Before you roll your eyes and think this is getting all gushy let me remind you that this is me writing...... So, back to the love.... the woman speaking was sharing with the radio audience that she had recently broken up with a man who told her after approximately 45 days that he did in deed love her. <br />
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My initial thought.... <strong><u><span style="font-size: large;">SMART</span></u></strong> woman. My next thoughts led me down a road of reflection remembering the first times that Brent and I shared with one another the big "I love you." I would not categorize our first times as life altering or romantic by any means but would instead describe them as comical, which is not surprising as there is little between Brent and I that is not comical.<br />
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Yes, I did refer to our first times in the plural and if you allow me a moment of your time to indulge in the story you might get a chuckle. The first time I told Brent that I loved him I was on the phone in the living room of our old home (we were not living together yet). As with all of our previous conversations over the months I had every conscious intention to end the conversation the same way with a simple, "Ok, I'll talk to you late Babe, bye." But, what flew out of my mouth was an abomination, a slip of the tongue, a hiccup in an otherwise calm water....not even paying a moment's attention to the words I was speaking I said, "Ok, I love you." HUH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I what?!?!?!?!?! The next words flying out of my mouth were, "I'm so sorry, I take it back. Never mind. Just forget that!" Upon which I abruptly hung the phone up as Brent was giggling.<br />
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Epic fail. Needless to say it was not discussed or brought up as I was thoroughly mortified. After time had passed Brenton looked at me one morning and said, "I told you something last night." I looked at him quizzically and asked "when" to which he responded, "When you were sleeping." This should be good I thought so, I bit the line and asked. With his head down shaking and looking towards the floor he quietly told me that he loved me. It sounded like someone was squeezing the air out of him. My response, "Oh and you didn't explode?" Nope. He did not explode at all. <br />
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I called Brent this morning and we got to giggling together once again over the debacles that were our first "I love you's." There are times when the ordinary blunder can turn into the extraordinary. Living a healthy lifestyle must go beyond the body and embed itself into the soul. All people must feed their soul with the warmth and love of people that respect and support them while helping them grow and move forward. Who are the people in your life that challenge you to continue to do and be your best, who lift you up when you falter, and remind you that you are amazing when you feel less than? Equally important are the relationships wherein you too challenge, lift and support others. These relationships not only feed us but allow us to maintain balance in our lives.....and as a bonus we also get great memories that will stay with us a lifetime.<br />
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-62640320339030987972012-08-14T09:10:00.001-07:002012-08-14T09:10:53.018-07:00The Fountain of ThinLet me go on record as saying that losing a crap load of weight is and is not mind boggling. People have lots of questions about howe to lose weight and I honestly believe they expect me to share an epiphany of answers and I have to tell you - the answers are not all that life GIANT. At least not to me. Maybe it is better explained this way...<br />
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I began a serious lifestyle of yo-yo dieting after my father passed away in 1996. I used this method of weight loss and gain as a means to push the severity of the pain way down. I tried again and again to break the cycle. I put myself through so many fad diets to help me lose the weight. I would see people having so much success and I wanted that success- what is your seceret I would ask people over and over and over again. I wanted the secret to losing weight and keeping it off. I wanted the knoweldge that they had to rub off on me. <br />
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No more questioning - how are people really losing the weight? Well, a number of them have also had gastric byapss. Onyl, they have kept quiet about it. When others have asked how they have lost the weight, they have responded with statements such as, "I workout a lot" or "I don't eat sugar anymore." I respect everyone's choice, but I believe that there are unintentional consequences that are felt by the people who are still seeking the Fountain of Thin. <br />
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So, the big question people have now....<br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">How do I feel?</span></strong> I don't feel much different than I did before with a couple of exceptions... my knees no longer ache after I run and I can walk down the stairs easier in heels - no more booming clomps. <strong><span style="font-size: large;">DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH POTTY TALK!</span></strong> I pee differently. Women pee in packs, this is a given. When I used to pee I would just sit down and pee - never thought anything of it. When my skinny g-friends peed they all turned their knees inward and I had no idea why. I thought maybe they were just hiding their goods or trying to not fall onto the gross bar bathroom floor..... Now, I know. Seriously, I know this is weird but continue to go with it. I have learned that when thin women pee they have to close their knees or the pee streams up and over the toilet. I did learn this one morning when I sat to pee and found myself with a mess.<br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><u>Honestly</u>,</span></strong> to tell the truth, it is more of a question about how others feel. I am who I am whether it be big or small.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><u>Evidence of this honesty-</u></span></strong><br />
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1. The dads at daycare keep staring at me, literally following me with their eyes, which is highly annoying but I believe that the fascination will wear off. Either that or Lilly will grow up and not require daycare any longer.<br />
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2. I am the recipient of <strong><u>unsolicited </u></strong>assistance at stores.<br />
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3. Doors are being held open <strong><u>for</u></strong> me.<br />
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4. People are just genuinely kinder to me demonstrating more patience and compassion. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>So, how do I really feel?</strong></span> <span style="font-size: x-large;">I am living.</span> For the first time ever I am living my life. I am living my life not worried about how I look or how others preceive me. In fact, I am flying to Las Vegas and I am going to bungee sling shot off the side of a casino just because I can. Nothing says freedom like weightlessness 100s of stories off the ground.<br />
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-52496893423664684172012-05-30T09:57:00.000-07:002012-05-30T09:57:00.948-07:00Shrinking FeetI am 8 weeks post surgery and down 46 pounds. I have to keep telling myself this over and over again. I don't know if it is because it seems like a lifetime ago since I had surgery or because I still cannot believe I actually went through with it. My walnut is healing well and I am concluding the recovery diet and moving back onto a standard healthy diet. This is welcomed news and there is so much to celebrate.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><u>Celebrations!</u></span></div>
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1. Seriously, my feet have lost weight. I ran out of my sneakers playing kickball. I almost face planted in a very animated way infront of both teams. Thank god I recovered.<br />
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2. I dove for third. Yes, I dove for third base like a freaking champion! In midair I thought, "Oh shit, my walnut!" I laid still for what seemed forever before I realized I did not crack the nut.<br />
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3. My underwear no longer requires a zipcode of its own. I can now claim to wear panties as my drawers no longer span the state of Texas. <br />
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4. I look<span style="color: #990000;"> </span><span style="color: red;">HOT</span> in my new<span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black;">green</span> </span>dress. This would indicate an increase in <span style="color: red;"><strong><u><span style="color: black;">self esteem</span></u></strong>. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">5. I have given almost all of my clothing away. </span><br />
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6. I weigh less than my husband. <br />
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7. <strong><u> TRUNKLE</u></strong>: (<em>mungerism</em>) physical state wherein the leg also forms the ankle mimicking a tree trunk. THIS TERM CAN BE RETIRED! I HAVE ANKLES!!!!!<br />
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It feels amazing to celebrate. There has really only been one upsetting event to report. As my four year old gazed into my eyes the other night he shared with me that he was scared because I was changing and no longer looked the same. He told me that he missed my big belly. It never enter my consciousness that my weight loss would have an emotional impact on him. He saw me lose over 100 pounds before, granted he was one. I explained to him that I was still the same on the inside and showed him pictures of when I weighed over 300 pounds. It blows my mind though that my son took comfort in my weight. <br />
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Ever since I was diagnosed with the NAR liver disease it has remained my priority to stay physically active and to teach my children healthy and positive choices. Noah's confession to me has given me yet another opprotunity to teach and show both him and Lilly about the power of being healthy and what is allows one to do. I am living my montra. <br />
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<span style="color: red;">MOTION FREEDOM EVOLUTION</span> </div>Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-57734529451863683422012-04-23T12:47:00.001-07:002012-04-23T12:48:02.821-07:00I am Shrinking!116/70 - that was my blood pressure going into bypass surgery. The nurse asked me what was wrong. There was nothing wrong. I knew I had made the right decision by having this surgery. Here's the timeline:<br />
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500am - drop kids off<br />
600am - arrive at hospital<br />
615am - begin pre-op work<br />
730 - funny meds pumped and we are off (I felt really good) <br />
735 - mask placed on my face and I am out.....<br />
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.........begin to wake up and yell at Brent to leave and let me sleep (Ooops)<br />
100 - arrive at private suite (this is my spring break after all)<br />
300 - take the first of a few walks equaling 3 miles<br />
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Over the next couple of days I spend my time swabbing my mouth with a little foam brush. There is no drinking or eating until Tuesday evening. So, every so often I swab my mouth with ice water careful not to swallow. I must admit though that with the scratchy throat the breathing tube left I may have let a tiny bit of water trickle down. Just a smidgeon. I received my first meal Tuesday evening: 4 ounces of sugar free vanilla pudding and 4 ounces of crystal light. It took me about 3 hours to finish this first meal. The next meal arrives at 10 pm and it is 4 ounces of sugar free vanilla yogurt. I took two bites and let the rest sit there. There is a pattern forming here as I toss the breakfast too after a few bites. I am not advocating that people do this -in fact I am breaking the nutrition rules by doing so, but I swore to you all an honest reflection of this process.<br />
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Any person who has a gastric bypass is not supposed to leave the hospital without having walked a total of one mile. I, of course, am insane so I walked three. On one of my walks I am stopped by another young woman who asks me how in the world I am able to walk. I told her that the most important thing that I could stress coming out of this surgery was to be positive and stay motivated, so I was walking through the pain. She shut the door on me when I went on a later walk. I saw her at our first follow up appointment and she looked like death and smelled of smoke. I feel for her.<br />
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Ok, back to the food...... I said I was not able to eat all of the food and I am still experiencing difficulty. Contrary to my mother's belief, the point of having a gastric bypass is not to never eat again, but to fix the physiology and aid in maintaining a healthy eating lifestyle. It is imperative to eat a high protein diet in order to heal appropriately and to retrain the stomach. The other piece of this is to not eat foods that will bloat the stomach so that the incision areas can heal and not tear. Tearing would be tragic and gross. So, everyday I am trying to get all of my food in so that I can continue to heal and improve. It just sucks, but is a finite amount of time when put into perspective.<br />
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The big question is..... "How much weight have you lost?" Well, I am obsessed with this and have had to stop weighing myself. I was literally driving myself nuts, so as of the last time I checked I have lost 24 pounds. I had surgery three weeks ago. I guess I somehow convinced myself that I would drop boat loads of weight every week, so I have been down on myself a bit. I know in my head that the current loss is great and that losing too much at once can have tragic consequences. So, I am okay with the loss that I have had. Although not always easy, this is what I mean by staying positive and motivated. Even I sometimes need to be reminded to push through the pain or mental blocks to keep moving.<br />
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Please ask me questions about this process. There is so much I can touch on, but want to make it relevant. <br />
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<br />Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-55791416116761500812012-01-26T14:36:00.000-08:002012-01-26T14:36:28.087-08:00Ok, so I LIED!<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><u><span style="font-size: large;">Bypass Update #2</span></u></strong></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">Ok, so I lied.</span> People having a gastric bypass can have caffeine. They can have the equivalent of one small cup of coffee. How many people do you know can have only one small cup of coffee? It's like limiting an alcohol dependent person to only one shot at their favorite bar. My thinking - a small amount of caffeine is<strong> <span style="font-size: large;">NO</span></strong> caffeine. </div>
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<strong><u><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;">The second nutritional appointment has been completed.</span></u></strong> The second nutritional appointment was fruitful (I love a good healthy food reference). I weighed in on the cattle scale and found that I lost 6 pounds (YEAH ME!). I also learned that I cannot gain these 6 pounds back. This knowledge will have a major impact on me later. In fact, it was a catastrophic emotional consequence that I will share later. Kathy, my nutritionist, was very impressed that with my busy schedule I was able to maintain focus and believes that I will not require additional nutritional counseling after my next appointment which is in less than a week (can you see where the emotional consequences might be coming from yet?) Did I mention that if I lose another 19 pounds I won't qualify for surgery anymore? First time for everything....</div>
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-size: large;"><u>Christmas and New Year's Oh My!</u></span> I made a commitment to going sugar free on December 26th and I did. Even with the sabotaging gifts I received for Christmas (thanks mom and Stever's turkey joints). Confession - I remained sugar free until Lilly's baptism where I shared some cake. It was so good too. I am sugar free again - as of this morning..... it had nothing to do with the chocolate chip cookie, but I won't swear to it.</div>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><u>Catastrophic Emotional Breakdown ensues.....</u></span>In preparing for my next nutritional appointment I stepped on the scale - not the cattle kind, the normal kind I hide under my bed. I was ecstatic to see I lost another<span style="font-size: x-large;"> 3</span> pounds. What was there not to be happy about? I lost <span style="font-size: x-large;">3</span> pounds, I am still in the window, and Kathy is going to recommend me for surgery. I picked up the kids, had dinner, bathed kids, put kids to bed, watched some Netflix, went to sleep. Here it comes... wait for it... I wake up, get on the scale and I have gained ten pounds. Within<span style="font-size: x-large;"> 24</span> hours I am having a major melt down of epic proportions. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I lost it emotionally. I felt at my lowest. I feel like I wear my sin on the outside of my body and that sin is my weight. I have never felt so low in my life. I failed. A life of humiliation and physical pain flashed in front of my eyes and it is not the life I want and will no longer live. <strong><span style="font-size: large;">WHO THE HELL GAINS TEN POUNS OVERNIGHT?</span></strong> This is what my nightmares are made of. I waited two days, but I called Kathy. Kathy informed me it was water weight and not actual weight gain. She is worried as it could signify a larger issues. Really? Isn't that what I have been saying all along? Nonetheless I will be meeting with Kathy next week where we will come up with a plan to address the issue. The water weight? I had sushi for dinner with soy sauce. I am charging the soy sauce with criminal intent. One would think I drank the bottle of soy....which I did not. I am no longer going to eat soy sauce as it is the new enemy. <br />
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I want this surgery. I need this surgery. I will live because of this surgery. Any fears (or doubts) I may have had about having this surgery are gone. I am committed to this life change.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></div>Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-79924219376503708252012-01-01T19:35:00.000-08:002012-01-01T19:35:30.914-08:00Fatty Patty<div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Gastric Bypass Update #1:</u></b></div><b>1. The <span style="font-size: large;">chairs</span> are twice the width of normal chairs - When I try to rest my elbows I end up falling over into the chair. I feel like a fool each and every time.</b><br />
<div style="color: #cc0000;">2. The scale holds up to <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: large;">1200</span> pounds...... Not that it needs to.</div><b>3. Nutritional counseling is a must - The first nutritional appointment is in a group setting. Many in the group are very confused about what constitutes a serving... and <span style="font-size: large;">NO</span> it is not a 14" double meat sub from Wegmans.</b><br />
<div style="color: #cc0000;">4. Psych evaluation is required - <u>I actually passed</u>.</div><b>5. Eat - For 3 months all bypass candidates must eat the way they will be required to eat post surgery. This includes, but is not limited to, maintaining a <i style="color: #351c75;">low fat, sugar free, caffeine free, fried food free diet</i>. This was really easy to do except the sugar. I had to set a date for myself and keep it. I have been sugar free for 7 days. I did purchase some sugar free Russell Stover's candies today. I ate two and savored every last taste of goodness........And then I hid the box. Out of sight is out of mind.</b><br />
<div style="color: #cc0000;">6. Smoking is out.</div><b>7. Alcohol does not need to be completely abandoned. Thank god.</b><br />
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Where I am in the process: I have completed everything except two nutritional appointments. Appointment #2 is this coming week and then #3 is in February. I could be looking at a surgical date as early as March or April. As far as the risks go - they are extremely minimal and following the nutritional requirements decreases them even more. So, that is the big scary process to having a gastric bypass. <br />
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-82602585280378471212011-12-03T16:25:00.000-08:002011-12-03T16:25:50.788-08:00Fat to Thin: My ConfessionWhen I began this blog almost a year ago it was important to me to express my values to my friends, my readers. Honesty has always been at the top of my core values. It is no secret that before I was pregnant with Lilly I lost 110 pounds - 90 of it in 9 months alone with the help of Shannon Pascale and the Jenny Craig System. After I delivered Lilly I returned to Jenny and Shannon and the rest you know as I have shared every happy pound lost and every god awful pound regained. <br />
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I posed a question a few months ago about whether I had given up on myself or not. I bucked up and got back on the weight loss train. I have lost a little, but not enough to maintain motivation and perseverance. So, I have taken the last few months to think about what it is I want for myself. And I came to the following conclusion:<br />
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I am who I am and who I am is tired of being judged. Who I am is tired of being looked at as the one with the pretty face - this face is getting old. I am the one who wants to run without a herd of elephants on her ass. I am the one who wants to be struggle free putting on socks. I am the one who wants to be the Banana Republic and J. Crew chick and not the Lane Bryant lady. I am the one who wants to run around all day with her kids without getting tired. I am the one who wants to live. <span style="font-size: large;">I am the one who wants to live. </span><span style="font-size: x-large;"> I AM THE ONE WHO WANTS TO LIVE.</span><br />
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I have the power to make a choice and the resilience to live with my choices. So, in the spirit of honesty I will share with you that I am in the pre-operative phase of getting a gastric bypass. I was going to share this with you all after I had surgery, but then decided it was really shitty and dishonest of me to withhold this choice from you. Plus, there are a lot of funny things one encounters while on the road to surgery....and, I can't wait to share all of it with you.<br />
Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-88776382153186591172011-11-05T17:06:00.000-07:002011-11-05T17:06:20.880-07:00A Way of Remembering My Dad 15 Years Later.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJtN0yKmZ4-hyAfeqgiX4jImwUQ2f3e6s8PrJMh6zz8nYVAIc-2_hJt6VyhKXwcwUW8ngQf-QgKk-vwprvVrjef7kQhCShRJLkEY5hEk6jKEEdO47xwEF-5uiO5WQdLKSNuvqP9hz1IQ8/s1600/myphoto-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJtN0yKmZ4-hyAfeqgiX4jImwUQ2f3e6s8PrJMh6zz8nYVAIc-2_hJt6VyhKXwcwUW8ngQf-QgKk-vwprvVrjef7kQhCShRJLkEY5hEk6jKEEdO47xwEF-5uiO5WQdLKSNuvqP9hz1IQ8/s1600/myphoto-1.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span dir="ltr"><span lang="en-US">People often ask me how I manage all of my responsibilities. The answer: motivation. Recently, I have found that I need to spark a little motivation in my colleagues. Below is part of an address I will be recording and sending out to staff as a means to garner an understanding for, and a commitment to, community service. There are parts where the "I" will be transformed into the "We" but this is where I began from - my heart. </span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: x-small;"><span dir="ltr" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My father, Fred, was a beast of a man. He was a loud and vivacious Sicilian who pushed people out of their comfort zones because he always saw they could do more and be more. Those that had lost their way and sought solace in his advice learned quickly that giving up was never an option. My father had the gift of insightfulness that when coupled with his wisdom would guide a soul in an infinite number of directions. Many found it impossible to not be inspired by him as he taught them the power a having a dream. </span></span> </span></span><br />
<div align="justify" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><div align="justify" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">My father dedicated his adult life to giving back to his community.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">He knew that there was magic in selfless acts.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">He led by example and inspired others of all ages, makes, and models to do the same.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">He knew that the life you lead when you believe no one is watching is a powerful way of measuring the human spirit. </span></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><div align="justify" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><div align="justify" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">My father also recognized that our characters as people are also defined by what we do when no one else is watching.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">My father’s character was one of integrity, strength, and even humiliation.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">In all of the work he did for different organizations, and ultimately, his family, he did so because he recognized the need to create a culture that sustains positive human learning and growing.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><div align="justify" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><div align="justify" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">My vision for Wilson is built from the foundation that my father created for me from which to dream upon.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">I vision our Wilson family working collaboratively to continuously examine our school’s culture so that it may be a school that is universally hospitable to student learning and achievement in and outside of the classroom.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">I truly believe in making not only our students more knowledge and caring, but also ourselves.</span><span lang="en-US"> </span><span lang="en-US">This is why I strive for excellence.</span></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><div align="justify" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><div align="justify" style="margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My father may be gone, but he and his lessons are</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">not forgotten.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He left a</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">lasting legacy.</span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><span lang="en-US" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">He left his dream.</span></span><span lang="en-US"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span> </span></div></span>Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-55720913014251338172011-10-30T18:20:00.000-07:002011-10-30T18:20:18.293-07:00I'm Stripping.....Skinny people have a freaking obsession with fat. What happened to the good 'ol days? It used to be that when a pseudo celebrity needed an ego boost they would slum it to where the commoners are and have someone yell, "Oh my god it's.......!" Well, it seems a new trend is forming to boost the egos of these egocentric and demoralizing women. It seems as though nothing in this world can be as demonizing as being fat. So, that is what these women are doing - they are putting on fat suits to "expose" the discrimination that overweight and obese people experience in this country. <br />
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BULLSHIT!!!!!<br />
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Let's call it for what it is. The fact that is these women are not parading around in elephant sized asses to do society a favor. These women, who are deemed thin by society's standards, are putting on these fat suits in an effort to make themselves feel better. The act of putting on a fat suit and hitting the streets while being followed by cameras seems to be more common practice thanks to shows like Entertainment Tonight. Their latest stunt's headline read "Melissa Gorga's Crusade Against Fat Discrimination." And the crusade? When I figure it out I will let you know. To my understanding, the woman, whose job it is to be a desperate housewife in Jersey, hit the streets of NYC in her "normal" look. She then underwent 5 hours of make up to transform into a 400 pound woman in a freaking bright pink jumpsuit. Who would not look at that? WHO! Notice, I purposely did not end that with a question mark. <br />
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I have stated it before and I will state it again. Fat discrimination is the last socially accepted form of discrimination. It does not take a desperate woman from Jersey donning a fat suit to tell us this. Strip off the fat suit. If you want to see the discrimination walk out your front door. It is everywhere. <br />
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Check out my next blog entry - Weight loss companies are a billion dollar a year scheme. <br />
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-60928466594416421612011-10-08T21:05:00.000-07:002011-10-08T21:05:29.001-07:003 weeks to form a habit....I love that people follow my blog - that is the whole point if this, right?!? It is my desire to help motivate those people who want to make life changes. So, what happens when the motivator becomes stuck and needs her own motivation? It was so hard to write the words that shared with you all the struggle I have been facing recently. I honestly had to share it though. A funny thing happened afterward - I felt better. Giving it to a "higher being" seriously made things clearer for me. I could finally take a breath and reflect. <br />
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<b>I made a decision.</b> I have not given up on myself. I am not going to get the gastric bypass. I do not need it. I may never get as thin as the people who have had it, but I will never have to live the fear of complications. So, how do I make it on my own? <u>Hookers</u> (see earlier post) and <u>Dr. Oz</u>. <br />
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According to Dr. Oz it takes <span style="font-size: large;">3</span> weeks to form a habit. As a married woman I have tested this theory many times using my husband as a guinea pig. I hate dishes, so I have B start doing them - in 3 weeks he should have this down according to Dr. Oz. Nope. It took 4 years to get B to mow the lawn and keep mowing it - a far cry from the 3 weeks Dr. Oz called for. My love in Dr. Oz, however, will not let me give up hope. So, in the last few weeks I have removed the focus from my husband and put it on me. I guess if a habit is to be formed in 3 weeks, it should be my habit as it probably helps to have buy-in.<br />
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Three weeks ago I began using an old tool, a weekly menu. I have been filling in the menu at the beginning of each week on Sundays. I add up all of the calories to make sure I am within the daily allotted 1500. I eat the same number of calories a day. I eat at approximately the same times everyday and I generally choose the same foods each week. The structure is necessary as a woman. Is it working? <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">YES</span>.</span> And I knew it would. <br />
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I have not issued a challenge in quite a while - so I will throw one out there now. <span style="color: #cc0000;">Stop.</span> <span style="color: #bf9000;">Step Back.</span> <span style="color: #38761d;">Reflect.</span> Do you see ways in which you need to take back control? For the real challenge - <u><span style="font-size: large;">Let Up on Yourself. </span></u> We all have moments where we cannot handle imperfections or things out of our control. It is our <span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #444444;">response</b></span> to such times that define our state of being. I got lost for a period of time and needed reminding of this. I let up and redefined my response. You can do the same. <b><u>I have faith in you. </u></b> Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-32469345317484638682011-09-22T18:10:00.000-07:002011-09-22T18:10:52.260-07:00Turn'n TricksThere is a lot we can learn from hoes. For one - hard work pays. Another - "exersex" can burn......... calories. And yet another lesson - stick to the regular tricks and you will be rewarded. When Noah was an infant and I was diagnosed with my crappy liver I had a decision to make about how I was going to live my life. I knew then as I know now - put me against a bear and not only will I beat that bear in a pie eating contest, but I will eat the bear when the pie runs out. <br />
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Statistics continue to demonstrate that people who lose weight without truly changing their behaviors gain the weight back and many at a surplus. I gained a percentage of my weight back not because I did not learn new behaviors, but because of pregnancy. Honestly though, I did gain a tad bit of weight back due to the apple fritter donuts I was addicted to while pregnant. I knew when I got pregnant that I was not prepared with all of the tools that I needed to keep my weight in check- sheer will power while the alien inside of me kicked for sugar and carbs - was not one of them. Knowing I was not fully prepared however did not stop me from putting a lot of pressure on myself to come out of my pregnancy as my old resolved self. <br />
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For 16 months I have put an insane amount of pressure on myself to be the pre-preggers me. Not going to happen. I am not the same. I am now a mother of two, my career is in a totally different place, and my responsibilities have changed. I am not the same, but there are some old tricks that will help. <br />
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I asked myself one question this week, "What could I not live without when I lost weight before?" The answer: my calendar. I lived and ate by my calendar. I planned all of my meals for the week right down to the snacks. Everyday I marked off my foods as I ate them. So, I recreated a calendar this week and I used it.....and it worked. I know what I am going to eat and when I am going to eat it. Research shows that women need consistency in their diets and that even slight deviations can be detrimental. Women should also strive to eat roughly the same amount of calories everyday with an emphasis on creating balance among the food groups. The calendar makes this manageable. <br />
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If I had realized that giving in and letting everything go....whether to a higher power or not... was the answer then I would have given in 16 months ago. I feel stronger than I did a few days ago and I know the strength will continue to come back. How do I know? Well, I'm an old Ho when it comes to weight loss. <br />
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-76556697649038517992011-09-19T05:39:00.000-07:002011-09-19T05:39:18.940-07:00When Good People do HarmMany might be wondering why I have been so silent for the past few months. Some of you may know that I had a little melt down a number of months ago out of frustration and lack of results at the gym. I am not generally one for giving up, but even I can feel the stress of disappointment overwhelmingly at times. <br />
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When I had Lilly 17 months ago something changed in me physically. I began to experience a number of strange "symptoms" that in isolation may not be alarming, but when looked at as a whole red flags went jumping out in all directions. I have been seeking help for months now and nobody has had an answer for me. I am finding that these "specialists" that I have been referred to do not like to work and do not know how to be responsible to their ethical duty. Each specialist has said that it could be a number of things, they pick one, test for it, shake my hand and promise to follow through even if it is not what they initially believe it is. Upon the return visit - a hand shake is exchanged, good new is shared that their first idea was wrong .........and they are going to continue to help should be next.... NOPE! they shake my hand once again and we part ways with no further follow up.<br />
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I cannot imagine doing to my scholars what these doctors have done to me (and clearly others). At the last appointment I cried. I admit it. The flood gates opened and I went all girly on this doctor. Out of all the symptoms he could have chosen from he chooses to think I am crying because of my weight. I had to sit and explain to this man that what made me cry was not being overweight (although I have done that plenty in life) but was him and his empty promise. His response was to tell me I needed "help." I walked out of that doctor's office not only feeling lower than I have felt in a very long time, but with lost hope in myself. <br />
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Some would argue that I am a strong woman who works with her vulnerabilities. They may further argue that I back down from no one person or from anything thrown in my way - especially a good fight. I have always been persistent even if I must barrel my way through (my son is the same way). This fight, however, I am done with it. I am tried of battling. I am tired period. I am moving on.<br />
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I do not believe that giving up is always necessarily quitting something in the negative sense. I was raised to never quit anything and this is probably why I tend to not easily let things go. I can certainly chew the taste out of a bone and then whittle that bone into a little figurine. Sometimes things, however, do not need to be our primary focus and if giving it up means I have left it in the hands of a higher being then let it be so. This is not to say that I am choosing to ignore what is happening to me physically, but that for now I will step back and wait to see what comes of it all. <br />
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As to my needing "help." There is no shame in it and I think everyone needs a good tune up from time to time. I do find it irresponsible for a doctor to assume any one - not just a woman (and I do question if his response would have been the same if it were a man whom was in his office) - would need "help" because he failed to fulfill his promise as others did before him.<br />
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The most damage this man did was that I have now scheduled a consultation for a gastric bypass. I have thankfully not gained all the weight back that I lost before having Lilly, but have gained 50% of it back from the pregnancy. I am not going to allow anyone to hold my weight over me or use it to give them power over me any longer. Will I go through with the surgery? I don't know at this point, but I have always promised complete honesty and where I never have seen it as an option before I am considering it now. Now, I must be honest with me and ask, "Have I completely given up on myself?" Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-33272348642950260662011-08-05T22:56:00.000-07:002011-08-05T22:56:29.718-07:00"I don't love you..."There are times in life when the ordinary results in something extraordinary. It could be a moment, a written word, a picture, anything - as long as the anything becomes a something. For years I read nothing but drab books on academia. I wrote even more drab papers on the subject. It was not until this blog that I actually decided to begin writing again, only this time for myself. As far as reading goes, I chose to catch up on all the books that I had missed that should be listed at B&N or Borders under the heading of "No Analysis Required."<br />
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Over the past year and a half I have dove into the lives of countless women - one had a sugar addiction and talked to dead people, another was hunted down by a hunk who walked across the country, and another was green and sewed wings onto monkeys. Where I was easily swept into the lives of these women I was just as easily carried back out and into the next. I was not riveted or blown away by any of them and made connections with none of them. These books were ordinary.<br />
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Last summer as I was sitting home with my baby girl I was handed a book entitled "The Help." I looked at it, cute cover, stuck it on a shelf. I looked at it from time to time and on the shelf it remained. While on vacation I happened to see a trailer for the movie based on the book. Looks good, but still the book sat on my shelf. I decide Rob Lowe is my next book of choice <span style="font-size: x-small;">(not a female author but who can argue)</span>. I forget said book while on an overnight in P-Ville. "The Help" finds its was off the shelf and in my hands. Page 1 is ordinary. Page 2 is ordinary. Somewhere, however, in the pages of that book I find extraordinary. <br />
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I am the wife of a man of color and the mother of two bi-racial children. I know that until approximately 1968 miscegenation was illegal throughout a large portion of the United States. My own parents were married in 1968. I find it hypocritical <span style="font-size: x-small;">(for lack of a better term at 1 am)</span> to celebrate how much has changed in our nation when people are still denied basic human rights. We should all be ashamed and I cannot help but wonder, at that end of this battle, who will be the next group to be denied basic rights....? <br />
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Extraordinary.... I will admit that there are times when it is extremely difficult for me to understand the emotions of the past, as it is not my past, but still it is a past which so pointedly defines my present. The relationships portrayed amongst all of the women in "The Help" are windows for me. I do not know if I have ever felt a connection to so many different bonds weaved within a single novel at one time. The insight was powerful - I cried for them, for the others like them. I cried for the ignorance and the loss. I cried for the fight and the gains. I cried for my daughter and my son. I cried for the what-ifs and the could-be stills. <br />
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I cried for me........ <br />
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I understand the relationships I have with the people in my life a little more clearly now. Babies are born with an innate ability to trust and love. It is amazing how quickly the world takes that ability away. My son told me tonight that he did not love me. He is 4. I told him it was okay and that I understood that he was really mad and that little boys that don't love their mommies just need extra big hugs. I hugged my baby tight to me and he spent the better part of the night trying to apologize, not through words or "I'm sorry," but through tight squeezes and cuddles. When I asked him at the end of the night is he was still upset by what he said he replied, "yes" and with another big squeeze I told him it was okay to forgive. The first relationships we build in our lives are the easiest. It is those that come later that are the hardest. <br />
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Extraordinary. You never know where or when or how - but when you do find it - you will know. <br />
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-387367835986573532011-05-19T10:52:00.000-07:002011-05-19T10:52:14.109-07:00The skinny on the heavy.....There is something to be said for being overworked and overtired. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to over committing and taking on too much. I am a full time mother, full time wife, full time friend, full time daughter, full time niece, full time teacher and coordinator, full time chef, full time house keeper, on-and-on-and-on-and on goes the list of full time responsibilities. <br />
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Ask for help you say? Ha! Never. Actually, I have had to succomb to the fact that I do need help. Let me share with you how I most recently came to this conclusion....<br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">I have to work Saturdays!</span> I received an email stating that I would be receiving a small, but well earned stipend for the extra work I have completed through my coordinator's position. <span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Do not get overly excited, it is not enough to go out to dinner on - but it is something....</span> </span><span style="font-size: small;">All I would have to do is work an additional 3 Saturdays between May and June. Okay, I can do that, but seriously, 3 Saturdays on top of what I have already done? I'm a team player, so I look at my calendar and send off emails stating that I will have to leave early one of the days and so on.... NO!!!! I don't have to work Saturdays. I have to enter the time I have worked into the computer on those Saturdays. <span style="color: red; font-size: large;">FAIL.</span> </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;">Every morning I try to maintain the same routine. </span> This is hard to do when you do not get much sleep at night<span style="font-size: x-small;">... dirty birds- it is from the baby! <span style="font-size: small;">My routine:</span> </span><span style="font-size: small;">I get up, let the dogs out, shower, do my hair, feed the dogs, get everyone else up and ready to go, and then we are out the door. Yesterday, I go through my list, everything gets done, and I am ready to walk out of the door when I am stopped and asked, "Why do you have a towel on your head?" Yup - I never did my hair and simply was walking out the door with my hair wrapped in a towel. At least I had my clothes on. </span><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;">FAIL.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">I flashed my ass at work. <span style="color: black; font-size: small;">This was not done on purpose, I can promise you that. It is also not the first time my ass has been put on accidental display. When I was a swimmer I forgot my suit for States at the hotel, I borrow one not realizing I was given a drag suit with a hole in the butt- so 1000s of people sitting above a pool deck saw my big round ass framed by a big blue swim suit. I never thought I would say this - but thank god for that moment. No one remembers that it happened but me (I hope), but it totally prepared me for what happened to me this morning. First of all - the laundry never finished drying so I am wearing a pair of Brent's boxer-briefs; and although I cursed this morning it may have been a saving grace! This is the skinny on the heavy..... I go to the bathroom at work, do my business, and pull up my drawers. I hit the sink, wash my hands and take a quick look in the mirror. I adjust the front of my dress and decide I am good to go. I walk out the door and am immediately hit by a draft. The back of my dress is tucked into the back of Brent's boxer-briefs. "Holy shit!" I yell and proceed to pull the back of my dress out of the back of my drawers. Needless to say, Mr. Meise's door has been shut the rest of the day....a first all year. Poor man. <span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: large;">FAIL.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">So, I can't read an email, forget to do my hair, and flash the school staff. These are just three examples of how I know I am overworked and overtired. There are so many other examples - I keep thinking that everyday is Thursday, I overdrafted three checking accounts through one check, I drove to Webster instead of Penfield, I had to ask if I was on a committee that I have been working on for months, I left Noah in the car when we got to daycare. </span><span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! </span><br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">There are times when we all need help and we cannot shy away from asking for it. I am a better mom, wife, teacher, coordinator, friend, daughter, niece, dog walker, poop changer, food maker, baker, and all around better person when I ask for help. So, if anyone wants to come over and do a load of laundry, cook me a meal, change my bed, or just bring me a glass of wine I welcome you with open arms. Just be warned - I cannot be responsible for when my ass may make a surprise appearance.</span> </span>Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-63065909707493099582011-05-16T17:48:00.000-07:002011-05-16T17:48:22.494-07:00The only truth I know....The only truth I know is my truth. Today I lost another one of my school children and I am in pain. The first time I felt the pain of losing a child I was but a mere child myself. It was my first taste of anger and complete helplessness...of despair and anguish...of hatred and I was <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">five</span></span>. <br />
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That feeling of being completely out of control of my world came again in October 2005. Hearing the words, <i>"He's gone..."</i> float through the phone broke me and I fell to my knees and I wept. Devon was not my biological child, but he was mine nonetheless. I loved him unconditionally and with all of my heart. There was nothing I would not do or give for that child. His mom Shauna, a sister to me, was a single mother and I felt blessed that she let me share in her love for her boys. We were so close that I felt like they were our boys. <br />
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There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Shauna, Randy, Devon, and Donovan. If I could rewrite my own history I would spin a tale of weeping and healing together as a family. The truth is, that while I cried some from time to time, I never let myself heal. After I fell to the floor and wept, I picked myself up, rounded my shoulders back, and found a deep strength from within to not allow myself to fall apart again. It truly takes strength to hold back that much pain and hurt. <br />
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Not allowing oneself to heal is consequential. Why did I not allow myself to heal? I did not feel as though I had a right to my pain. I believed that if I showed pain then I was robbing Shauna of her time to heal and I needed her to heal. I desperately needed her to heal. I needed her to be resilient. If I poured all that I had into her then I could save her. <br />
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<i>What I needed to do was save myself. </i><br />
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<b>Consequence #1:</b> I became useless to my friend, my sister. As Shauna grew stronger I remained stagnant. I did not know how to ask for help or if I even had the right to ask.<br />
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<b>Consequence #2: </b>The strength to surppress emotions runs out and has to be replaced with something. In this case it was food. So many people make statements that there is no reason for a person to be as big as they are. There are always underlying causes. When my father died I almost ate myself to an early grave. No, I did not grieve then either and after I lost that weight I swore I would not allow myself to return to that place. But, here I was once again. The weight I gained this time was monumental and what finally led to my being diagnosed with liver disease forcing me to deal with the loss of Devon.<br />
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This past winter, AME Baber Church hosted a holiday memorial for people who have lost loved ones to violence. I went and I wept. Not only is the strength to suppress gone, but so is the reliance on food as a suppressor, or even worse, food as an oppressor. I have learned to ask for help and to allow myself to rely on others to lift me when I am too weak to carry myself any further. <br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">There is power in healing. </span></b> Tonight I will pray for the family of Sammy Maldonado and ask that they are given the strength to heal in a healthy way. I will sit back and remember my student for who he was - an intelligent young man with a quick wit and fantastic smile. He made me laugh and this I will celebrate. Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-77440815696213132752011-05-12T07:07:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:41:54.222-07:00Being called FAT is hard to swallow....Yes. I was called FAT again. And, it hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt like a I was 12 again and my peers were mocking me relentlessly. It was not a fun experience and it was in front of my children. I posted it on Facebook. Why? To garner sympathy of course. No one wants to have their less-than-perfect physical attributes pointed out: big nose, crocked teeth, cross eyes, black gums, unibrow, pvs, muffin top, ect... <br />
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Weight discrimination is the last socially accepted form of discrimination. Star magazine makes it a game out of playing "Guess which celebrity belongs to this fat ass?" or People Magazine's yearly "Look who finally got thin!" issue (which truth be told, I want to hit that lottery someday). Oprah has her weight loss stars, airlines have their special pricing options (real special - Buy 2 seats for 1 ass), Biggest Loser (...and then biggest gainer again), Ruby, Extreme Make Over Weight Edition, even Survivor! Women still make significantly less money than their thinner counterparts - (you all did read my paper on weight discrimination against women in the workforce, right?!? I'll post a link). Men also make less depending on their weight, however the percentage difference drops significantly. <br />
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What are the effects of calling a person fat over and over again? In my experience it was a fulfilling prophecy. Notice I left the <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>self </strong></span>out of it as it was not, and is not, the prophecy I have for myself. Fat has a powerful hold over people. The word is dehumanizing and the tissue itself is immobilizing. I once had a doctor who told me that the only thing wrong with me was that I was fat and fat hurts. I was so angry that I never went back to see her. She let my "fat" disable her from being able to treat me properly. Much later in life I came to the realization that she did have one thing right - fat does hurt. It hurts emotionally, mentally, and physically. <br />
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Part of my healthy living goal is to take the power out of the word fat. This is a tall order and starts at home. I teach my children that the word fat is not a bad word. Noah can often times be heard saying, "Mom, can I give your fat a little love pinch?" to which I reply, "Of course baby, go ahead and give it a big pinch!" There is not much we cannot attain through social and responsible education and living. Teaching children that fat is not a bad word does not teach them that being fat is a healthy lifestyle. It is also our responsiblity to teach our children healthy choices and behaviors. <br />
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One last thought. Just because a young person is predisposed to being overweight does not mean that they are predestined to being overweight. The freedom, glory, and wonder that comes from being a child is that there are no limits, no guarentees, and no final destination.<br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: x-small;">Here is that link to the paper if you are interested! I wrote it my senior year at Brockport and have made several presentations since. Interestingly enough - not much has changed in the last 12 years.</span><br />
<a href="http://www.2cyberwhelm.org/archive/diversity/values/pdf/weight.pdf">http://www.2cyberwhelm.org/archive/diversity/values/pdf/weight.pdf</a>Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8225834696481673694.post-57478755275797412122011-05-09T17:38:00.000-07:002011-05-09T17:38:03.920-07:00Limes, they're not just for liquor....recipes and moreI promise, I have not abandoned all of my followers - I make it sound like I have started a cult! Put the kool-aid down! While I have been absent from writing I have not been so from my research. Yes, believe it or not I do research for my blog. My reading and research have taken me in so many different directions in the last month that I will try to sum it up in a few recipes. Yes, you read it right - RECIPES!!!! And, they are fantastic.<br />
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In preparing the menu for Lilly's birthday party I reflected back on past gatherings as guidance. Knowing (praying actually) that the weather would hold out I wanted to honor the start of Spring. Spring foods to me mean rebirth. Our senses are rejuvenated with fresh tastes and reminders that summer is just around the corner. Besides flavor there are numerous health benefits to spring flavors. <br />
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According to a British researcher we can actually attain a healthy glow to skin from the carotenoids that give food their color. Carrots and tomatoes are not the only skin healthy foods that the spring and summer have to offer. Increasing your citrus intake can hydrate your skin and increase that glow as well. Try adding these power foods to your diet. They will not only help you rejuvenate but are packed with health-related benefits as well!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: purple;">Power Foods:</span></b></span> <span style="color: magenta;">Grapefruit</span>, <span style="color: #990000;">strawberries</span>, <span style="color: #0b5394;">blueberries</span>, <span style="color: #e06666;">raspberries</span>, <span style="color: #38761d;">avocado</span>, <span style="color: #274e13;">asparagus</span>, <span style="color: #6aa84f;">artichokes</span>, <span style="color: red;">peppers</span>, <span style="color: #783f04;">cashews</span>, <span style="color: lime;">peas</span>, <span style="color: #4c1130;">olives</span>.<br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;">STOP</span> right there! <span style="font-size: large;"><u><b>Yes</b></u></span>, some of these power foods are higher in fat than others - <u style="color: #cc0000;">do not</u> shy away. You can still enjoy these foods. Avocados can be used as a spread alternative to mayo. Cashews can be chopped and added to salads - a few chopped nuts can go further than a handful of whole nuts. The same can be done with olives - a few kalamata olives can be diced and added to salads or even spreads. You can even add a little of the juice when you want the flavor but none of the olive. <br />
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<div style="color: #274e13;"><u>Cucumber Miso Salad (adapted from Cooking Light)</u></div>In a bowl add and whisk together:<br />
2 tablespoons of sesame seeds<br />
2 tablespoons of white miso (I use heaping teaspoons for added flavor)<br />
1 tablespoon rice vinegar<br />
1 tablespoon honey<br />
1 tablespoon hot water<br />
2 teaspoons of dark sesame oil (measure over the bowl so that a little extra drizzles in)<br />
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper<br />
Add 3-4 seeded and sliced cucumbers <br />
*Note: to seed a cucumber slice in half and run a spoon down the middle to scoop out the seeds.<br />
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<u><span style="color: red;">Fresh Salsa (measure by taste and make 12-24 hours in advance)</span></u><br />
in a bowl mix together:<br />
14 ounces of Hunt's diced tomatoes (Hunt's always has the BEST flavor tomato)<br />
Some fresh diced roma<br />
Finely shopped red onion (I use a lot)<br />
Fresh cilantro (chopped - make sure it has a rich smell or it will have weak flavor)<br />
The juice of about 3 fresh limes (I like to think more is better)<br />
3-4 Concord Foods salsa packet<br />
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<u><span style="color: #351c75;">Summer Pasta Salad (Mine and Erin Wachowicz's favorite!)</span></u><br />
Pick a pound pasta and make it. Add freshly diced roma tomatoes (4-6) 2 cans of garbanzo beans.<br />
In a bowl whisk together olive oil (about 4 tablespoons)<br />
White wine (sauvignon blanc) - pour in about a half cup...or more<br />
Fresh lemon zest<br />
Diced garlic (2-3 cloves) <br />
Fresh lemon juice from about 3-4 potent lemons<br />
Add freshly cut mint (couple small packages)<br />
Add dressing to pasta and top with feta cheese. Let sit for 24 hours. Add a tad more lemon juice and white wine then serve at room temp.<br />
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<div style="color: #660000;"><u>Perfect Beef Tenderloin</u></div>Season with black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and freshly cracked sea salt. Heat grill to 450 degrees and add meat. Drop heat to about 300-325 and rotate every 5-6 minutes until you reach desired tenderness. Cooking your meat more slowly will help fuse the flavor.<br />
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<div style="color: #274e13;"><u>Green Salad</u></div>Mixed greens<br />
Mandarin orange slices<br />
Green grapes halved<br />
Strawberries sliced<br />
red onion thinly sliced <br />
Feta <br />
Red wine vinegar dressing <br />
Top with homemade croutons <br />
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<div style="color: #0c343d;"><u>Homemade croutons</u></div>Slice a ciabatta baguette into thin slices at an angle<br />
Top both sides with spray butter, freshly cracked pepper, and freshly cracked sea salt <br />
Place under broiler on high until both sides are crisped. <br />
*Note: This will not take long!<br />
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<div style="color: magenta;"><u>Pinktinis</u></div>1 can of frozen pink lemonade<br />
3 cups of smooth gin (New Amsterdam is nice)<br />
Mix together in pitcher<br />
Add 1 bottle of champagne<br />
Serve with a lemon peel <br />
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Lastly, get yourself some <span style="color: #45818e;">fresh spring rolls</span> (aka garden rolls). I have yet to make these myself, but will learn and share with you all when I do. This is truly a healthy and fun party menu - not to mention easy. Happy eating and welcome to spring!<br />
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Abby M.W.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11492215831713390664noreply@blogger.com0