Dear Loyal Readers,
Where have I been for the last few months? Good lord, you would think after my last post I was locked up in the bedroom having too much fun. I wish that were the case. Truth is, I have a new leadership position at work and have been finishing yet another graduate program. Needless to say, I have been busy.
With my new title has come new stress. I am adjusting to a new team of colleagues, learning copious amounts of information, and running around the south side of the city on a daily basis.....have I mentioned the four times a week I need to fill up my tank now? The stress has taken a toll on my body, my mind, and my spirit.
Consequently, I have lost no weight at all and it is depressing. No, it's not depressing, it is MADDENING. It is so maddening that I am in my own head about it all the time. I thought I was obsessed before the weight loss - well now it is even worse. I feel like a complete bypass-failure.
I am not writing this looking for you to "fix" this or encourage me or ask me questions like, "Well are you......" or "Have you tried.....?" If I get any of that I might freaking explode. I am discouraged and in the spirit of honesty - I need to share it. Weight loss, as you know, is not all rainbows and butterflies. It is also disappointment. That is where I am at. I am disappointed that I have stopped progressing while others continue to lose effortlessly and have maintained positivity. (Seriously, easy to do when you are still losing.) Do not get me wrong. I am soooo happy for those that are continuing to lose. I am just frustrated for me.
My weight loss stopped cold in October - six months post surgery. I am supposed to lose consistently for one year. That is how it works - I do my part and the weight comes off. Only, it is not coming off while I continue to do my part. I keep trying to tell myself that this is just a plateau. A really, really, really long plateau.... but I don't believe it is anymore. Now, I think it is me destined to always be a big girl. Only now I am big girl who can only handle half a piece of bread, 2 ounces of turkey, and 4 ounces of soup for lunch. Seriously, when it comes to weight - I cannot freaking win.
Because I don't want this to be a completely depressing letter to you I will share with you that I started my journey in 2008 with a BMI of 55. My BMI at the time of my surgery in April 2012 was a 46 and now my BMI is a 30. My goal BMI is a 26 and I need to lose 23 more pounds to get there. I have joined a Step Up team at work in hopes to renew my enthusiasm and help continue to build these new relationships.
This is a journey for me. It has been a long journey with ups and downs, silliness and disappointment, hope and joy, are you kidding me and what the hells? I have been happy to share it with you all and thank you for taking the roller coaster with me. I promise, I am not going to off myself - I am too vain. I just need some retail therapy that I can't afford or maybe a great new pair of boots - that I still can't afford...or maybe a nice vacation - that is not going to happen anytime soon nor can I afford it. Hmmm...maybe it is true what they say - there is a direct connection between stress and weight loss....but still with half the calories of a two year old - I should still be losing.
Love,
Abby
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
The Weeping Orgasm
I seriously cannot believe I am putting it out there like this, but here goes. The Weeping Orgasm does exist. I had heard of it in passing like a myth comparable to the Lochness Monster, Bigfoot, and the Chupacabra and had filed it away under "Urban Legends" and let it be. I never thought in a million years that the weeping orgasm was in fact an actual orgasm. It should come with a disclaimer "Attention, the weeping orgasm should only be used in cases of dire cathartic need as your partner (man or woman) might experience cardiac arrest from fear of orgasmic disaster." In all honesty, there is no control over the weeping orgasm - if it's going to happen, it will.. It erupts out of a place of deep isolation.
So, how exactly did I stumble upon the weeping orgasm you ask? For that, you will need your imaginations. Blame the lack of details on the small town Italian Catholic up-bringing that continues to set boundaries. I recently posted a picture of my son and I on on his first day of school. He looked so cute and I was so proud. I received more than several responses commenting on how I looked. I was overwhelmed not only by the responses but by the picture when I actually sat down and looked at it. I will admit, I stared at it on & off all day. I could not believe that was me and I now understood the comments. It got me thinking back to a comment my aunt made. She said, "There will come a day when people will have no idea you had a battle with weight."
Who am I if I am not the woman in a battle with her weight? What do I have to offer in my blog? Do I have a right to offer my story any longer or does my story eventually end? Dang - one picture really got me thinking. The story does not end. In writing about the bathroom habits of overweight women versus their thinner counterparts I received a number of comments both on and off-line. It made people think - it put the unspeakable out there and that is why my story continues. I will talk about the less comfortable subjects.
Back to the SEX then. I seriously think that the negative connotation surrounding gastric bypass would fly into extinction if it was branded as not so much a means to end in the battle of weight but as a means to creating a much better and more fulfilling sex life. Seriously, with the taboo gone our nation would include healthier and much happier adults - MUCH HAPPIER!!!! War would come to an end. Ashby Madison has a commercial on the radio that goes something like, "You got fat and I got trapped." I was offended by it, but from a strictly sexual standpoint I kind of understand it. Is it still a unhealthy, mean, and uncalled for commercial.... I tend to think so.
My point is Skinny Sex is a BILLION times better than fat sex. Argue if you like, but I have been to the other side and I am a believer. So, the weeping orgasm. You know you want to know, it is like slowing down to watch a bad accident or the Elvis impersonator being arrested on the side of the NYS Thruway......again, another story altogether....... Truth be told, being overweight and having sex was difficult. It seriously limited not only the freedom of movement, but also the ease at which pleasure was felt. Neither of these is an issue any longer.
So, yes - as I wept I did terrify Brent, however he survived and continues to benefit from my weight loss as do I. I am 35 years old and reaching my sexual prime and I thank god it was not wasted in my old body.
PS - Brent says to share with you all that HE IS THE MAN!!!!! wink, wink!
So, how exactly did I stumble upon the weeping orgasm you ask? For that, you will need your imaginations. Blame the lack of details on the small town Italian Catholic up-bringing that continues to set boundaries. I recently posted a picture of my son and I on on his first day of school. He looked so cute and I was so proud. I received more than several responses commenting on how I looked. I was overwhelmed not only by the responses but by the picture when I actually sat down and looked at it. I will admit, I stared at it on & off all day. I could not believe that was me and I now understood the comments. It got me thinking back to a comment my aunt made. She said, "There will come a day when people will have no idea you had a battle with weight."
Who am I if I am not the woman in a battle with her weight? What do I have to offer in my blog? Do I have a right to offer my story any longer or does my story eventually end? Dang - one picture really got me thinking. The story does not end. In writing about the bathroom habits of overweight women versus their thinner counterparts I received a number of comments both on and off-line. It made people think - it put the unspeakable out there and that is why my story continues. I will talk about the less comfortable subjects.
Back to the SEX then. I seriously think that the negative connotation surrounding gastric bypass would fly into extinction if it was branded as not so much a means to end in the battle of weight but as a means to creating a much better and more fulfilling sex life. Seriously, with the taboo gone our nation would include healthier and much happier adults - MUCH HAPPIER!!!! War would come to an end. Ashby Madison has a commercial on the radio that goes something like, "You got fat and I got trapped." I was offended by it, but from a strictly sexual standpoint I kind of understand it. Is it still a unhealthy, mean, and uncalled for commercial.... I tend to think so.
My point is Skinny Sex is a BILLION times better than fat sex. Argue if you like, but I have been to the other side and I am a believer. So, the weeping orgasm. You know you want to know, it is like slowing down to watch a bad accident or the Elvis impersonator being arrested on the side of the NYS Thruway......again, another story altogether....... Truth be told, being overweight and having sex was difficult. It seriously limited not only the freedom of movement, but also the ease at which pleasure was felt. Neither of these is an issue any longer.
So, yes - as I wept I did terrify Brent, however he survived and continues to benefit from my weight loss as do I. I am 35 years old and reaching my sexual prime and I thank god it was not wasted in my old body.
PS - Brent says to share with you all that HE IS THE MAN!!!!! wink, wink!
motionFREEDOMevolution
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